So the format changed and now all the posts made since May in the Work forum are just gone? How is this better?

Well that's good that you are still in contact with him. I hope you can find another job, bonus with the Boss! Sounds like he wants to stay in touch with you too, but is going about it respectfully.

Almost right after I posted the last message, I chatted with Boss. Nothing major, just a text chat, how are you kind of thing. But we set the stage to get together again. I would love to work with him again too. Best bet for that would be still with the gov't or something gov't adjacent. But I've started looking for another job as well. Just too much uncertainty and absurdity going on at the gov't. It's a horrible place to work right now. The government is being incredibly shitty to people.

Ah, ok, that makes sense. I was just wondering if your DH suspected anything (not that there's really anything to suspect). I hope he ends up working for the same company as you so you have a good reason to reach out to him.

Yes, dh knows about him. I mean, he knows who he is, he knows we get along really well, and he knows that we chat and got together for lunch, etc. They've never met or anything. We work for the gov't, and because of the nature of what we do, our office is hyper-secure. Basically, unless you have a security clearance, you're not getting in. So it's not like our spouses could ever just pop in to say hi or bring us lunch or something. Although things do seem to be getting a little better, I do think dh & I will end up separating at some point. But seeing as my job is so incredibly insecure right now, those plans are on hold. I also haven't talked to boss since we had lunch.

Thank you for sharing here! Sounds like things are going as well as can be expected. Does your dh know anything about this guy at all? Just curious. Do you still plan on leaving him regardless? Inquiring minds want to know

And, yes, he is genuinely one of the best human beings I know. With everything going on in the world, it's easy to feel like all men suck. But he completely restored my faith. He is genuinely one of the good ones. My 2nd week on the job, still feeling everything out, didn't really know Boss at all yet, a guy kept interrupting & talking over a women in a meeting (in tech, so happens a lot) . Boss absolutely shut him down & called him out on it. That's when I was like, OK, this guy's cool. By the time I finally met Boss in person, we had become pretty close & the chemistry was there. But he still asked if he could hug me. Consent is so sexy. Of course now there's an understanding that we can touch each other w/out asking & we do so a lot actually. He's never made me or anyone else feel stupid for asking a question or not knowing something. He's very non-judgmental. I just feel very safe with him. I hope we get to work together again, or at least stay a part of each other's orbit.

Thank you for listening! I feel like this is the only place I can talk about it. The more I think about it, the more I think our lunch was weird because we were both kind of nervous?? As comfortable as I am with him, that was the first time we ever met up just the 2 of us. I think we both feel the exact, same way, but we've never said it. There's also a bit of "what if they don't feel the same way" doubt and then I'll look like an idiot fear. So there was a bit of awkwardness in not knowing what to say or do because there's the whole what are we doing, where do we go from here thing.

Thanks for listening! I feel like this is the only place I can talk about it. I hope we end up working together again somehow too. The more I think about it, because I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, the more I think the lunch felt a little "off" was because we were kind of nervous?? As much as I feel totally comfortable with him, that was the first time we ever got together, just the 2 of us. There wasn't any insinuation that it was more than just lunch, but I think the fact that we both have feelings beyond just co-workers (or at least I think he does), made it weird. I think we both feel the same way about each other, but no one's ever said it. There's a fear that maybe we don't feel the same way. And there's also the fear that we do, but we really don't want to cross the line. Like neither of us knows what to do or say or where to go from here.

Thanks for the updates! Hopefully you two will end up working together eventually again. He sounds like a great guy, too bad you're both taken.