I cheated on my bf of two years with a coworker. I feel bad for him but don't totally regret what I did

Thanks for the updates! Hopefully you two will end up working together eventually again. He sounds like a great guy, too bad you're both taken.

Thank you! Yes, it was just...different. I don't know how to explain it. But not necessarily bad. If anything, I think it was me. Almost like I was trying too hard. IDK. There is still a small chance that the stars will align, and we will work for the same organization again. Maybe not together, but still just a Teams chat/call away. He said he has been approached about a possible role back in our federal agency but it's still unsure if the role will be created and said he didn't know if he would take it if it were. He also just has a ton of contacts there. And God damn, he really does look good.

Had lunch with Boss. So, first thing. He looks good. Really good. But it was weird. Not bad, but different. It wasn't flirty at all. Just two friends having lunch. But it was almost like the chemistry was off or something. Don't get me wrong, it was great seeing him, and I still miss him. But it's like the conversation didn't flow as smoothly. I felt kind of awkward, like I didn't know what to say, and is the complete opposite of our usual conversations. It's like without work, it was obvious that we live very separate lives. IDK. But so glad to see him. The feelings are still there for me for sure, but I know this isn't going anywhere. I see us definitely keeping in touch, but it's not going to be more frequent or deeper. I love this man in all the ways, but the as-a-friend part is far more important to me now. He is just such a good, kind human, and I genuinely wish him every happiness - in his marriage, job, family, all of it. He deserves it.

We do heart emojis a lot, actually. I think he confides in me because I understand everything that's going on just from working there too. I lot of it is complicated, so unless you work in the system, so to speak, it wouldn't really make sense or would be hard to explain. I also think he doesn't want to necessarily let his wife know how bad things are, because he doesn't want to burden her with that level of worry too. Like I think he's telling her the deal means he'll be paid through September, that's plenty of time to find a job, etc., which is what the propaganda, White House BS is telling fed workers. But boots on the ground & knowing what we know are telling us that's not really going to happen. We've both been married for about the same amount of time, me 21 years, him a little longer, I think. We both have 2 kids about the same age (college-aged).

First off, hope everything works out with (both) of your jobs. Heart emojis? Hmmm...and don't feel bad for what you told him, thinking it was what he needed to hear. I'm sure he appreciated the truth and not some sugar-coated BS. That is probably one of the reasons he confides in you. Does he have kids and how long has you/him been married? Just being nosy.

UPDATE - So I texted him the day after that call where I reacted badly and basically told him that what I should have said was - followed by a very heartfelt, totally innocent, message of support. He replied with THANK YOU!! and some heart emojis. We've texted a bunch since, but mostly just work related stuff. For now, all the stuff happening with the federal government is on our minds. Any flirty banter is kind of taking a back seat. Yes, I would love to work with him again. But I really just want to help him through all of this. My job's not necessarily secure either. I can not even begin to tell you how scary what's happening at the fed gov't is. It's much, much worse than people are hearing. And everyone who knows how bad things are and are about to be are too afraid of retributions to speak up.

I don't get how when someone gets sober, people are constantly making a big deal of them getting sober. This person stole for their habit, lied, assaulted people, put others in danger, jail, and destroyed other peoples lives...and they get celebrated. Yet no one cares that another person never did drugs, never drank, never stole, never hurt anyone else, and has never even gotten so much as a traffic ticket. The person who made good decisions is ignored while the person who made bad decisions is being treated like royalty.

Good update! So shortly after I posted about Boss, he texted. He was super, super apologetic and said he felt so bad. He said he totally thought he responded to me and was wondering why I hadn't replied, then he realized he never actually responded to me. He really did feel bad, and I think he was feeling all the things I was feeling thinking that I was the one who ghosted him. He can't meet for lunch the day I can, and I can't meet the days he can. Damn jobs LOL. But it's all good with him. Still miss him like crazy, though. Had another meeting with new boss, and it went really well. She told me that she was really happy I was there and thought it was going to be a great fit, so I feel much better. Maybe I didn't blow the meeting as badly as I thought. She'll be in town next week, so I'll get to meet her in person. Feeling much better about things. But that was a hard couple of days.

My coworker was complaining for the last two days about being on her period, but I didn't think anything of it. Today said ran out of pads, but would have to wait until Friday to buy more bc that's when her husband gets paid. I know they're tight on money, but that's the saddest thing I've heard. On my lunch, I went over to Target and bought them bc it was right thing to do. Her eyes light up. How can someone working full-time working for the state government struggle this much? I felt really bad for her.