Almost right after I posted the last message, I chatted with Boss. Nothing major, just a text chat, how are you kind of thing. But we set the stage to get together again. I would love to work with him again too. Best bet for that would be still with the gov't or something gov't adjacent. But I've started looking for another job as well. Just too much uncertainty and absurdity going on at the gov't. It's a horrible place to work right now. The government is being incredibly shitty to people.

Well that kind of sucks but at least you can realize and acknowledge that work was the main binder of you two. Friends make the best lovers, so one day it will come to you if it is meant to be. Cheesy, but true. Glad you got to see him and catch up, even as only friends.

Had lunch with Boss. So, first thing. He looks good. Really good. But it was weird. Not bad, but different. It wasn't flirty at all. Just two friends having lunch. But it was almost like the chemistry was off or something. Don't get me wrong, it was great seeing him, and I still miss him. But it's like the conversation didn't flow as smoothly. I felt kind of awkward, like I didn't know what to say, and is the complete opposite of our usual conversations. It's like without work, it was obvious that we live very separate lives. IDK. But so glad to see him. The feelings are still there for me for sure, but I know this isn't going anywhere. I see us definitely keeping in touch, but it's not going to be more frequent or deeper. I love this man in all the ways, but the as-a-friend part is far more important to me now. He is just such a good, kind human, and I genuinely wish him every happiness - in his marriage, job, family, all of it. He deserves it.

UPDATE - So I texted him the day after that call where I reacted badly and basically told him that what I should have said was - followed by a very heartfelt, totally innocent, message of support. He replied with THANK YOU!! and some heart emojis. We've texted a bunch since, but mostly just work related stuff. For now, all the stuff happening with the federal government is on our minds. Any flirty banter is kind of taking a back seat. Yes, I would love to work with him again. But I really just want to help him through all of this. My job's not necessarily secure either. I can not even begin to tell you how scary what's happening at the fed gov't is. It's much, much worse than people are hearing. And everyone who knows how bad things are and are about to be are too afraid of retributions to speak up.

I'm sorry to keep posting about this, but I can't talk to anyone about it IRL. And I'm sobbing right now. I logged into work this morning, and just started bawling. I still see Boss' calendar and name everywhere, but there's no Good Morning note, no back and forth jokes, etc. And it hit me. I know this whole thing is ridiculous, but I love him. There, I said it. It really feels like a break up. Or like my best friend moved away.

We have each other's personal phone numbers. We have work phones, but sometimes need to use personal phones after hours for work stuff. I have an email already typed out that includes my personal email and a very sincere note that I plan to send to him on his last day. I do think we will keep in touch, but it will probably be sporadic and just brief notes. I know we would both love to work together again, so if that's possible, we would make it happen. But I don't know how likely that will be. I manage his calendar, so I automatically see his when I open mine. He cleaned it up yesterday and reassigned stuff, and now it's so empty. Kind of just getting real now.

I have a side-gig helping Veterans get the most disability as possible. Their claims are based off Dr visits while they were active duty. Some people waste my time by giving me files with over 1k pages, and 90% of it is from after they were discharged. It wastes many hours of my time. Paperwork is always disorganized, often getting many copies of the same paper. I have to comb through and read every page. On average, it takes me 6-8 hours per file. I organize then have to write down each injury + each date they went to the Dr for it. The fun part is reading Dr's handwritten notes to figure out the injury lol I love helping people, but they think they'll get more by padding their paperwork and it just doesn't work like that.

My dear hiking friend starting hiking together a few years ago. This year, our goal is to visit all the National Parks in our state and we've done over half just this summer alone. Recently had third trip together with overnight stays since we both live in diff. states now. She doesn't mind driving through hilly forests which is a huge plus. My only pet peeve with her is that she's very addicted to her phone and social media often stopping every moment to take pics (as gorgeous as they are). When we get back to the place we're staying at, she's immediately back on her phone sending pics, talking with family, or watching videos on social media. I not going to sit there while on her phone so then we're both on our phones after amazing days at the parks. Would love to just have an hour of two of convo without any distractions. I suppose social media is her way to unwind after long driving days, but it bums me out since we both rarely see each other.

I have an acquaintance who is a big Trump supporter and was completely and vocally against the COVID vaccine, masks, etc. Well, low and behold, she got COVID last year that landed her in the hospital, and she's been having a lot of issues ever since, some she will be dealing with for the rest of her life. She's been on social media playing the poor victim role a lot lately. I don't even feel guilty about the fact that I don't even feel a little bit bad for her. I love it when Karma does it's thing.

I don't know what to do. I absolutely LOVE my job. Love what I do, and love the folks that I work with. It's 100% remote, and I'm not micromanaged at all. Very laid-back environment and very secure. But I'm woefully underpaid. The chances of me seeing any kind of meaningful increase are slim, just by the nature of our business. We're OK financially, but my oldest starts college in the fall, so more money would definitely be helpful. I know I probably should find a better paying job, but I don't think I would ever find one that I would like as much. I'm so torn.